Ignace DUKUZIMANA 
Abakobwa barengeje imyaka 35 y’amavuko batarashaka abagabo, bahorana ipfunwe rituruka muri sosiyete batuyemo ndetse n’imitekerereze y’ababazi muri rusange. Ibyo bibagaragaraho cyane cyane mu bihe by’ubukwe bakunda gutaha, kuko gutera indabo ku bakoze ubukwe bihita byibutsa babandi ko batarashaka. Gusa nanone hari igihe bumva badashaka kuba bari ahantu runaka kubwo kuba abo bari kumwe bari kubakekaho ko bashatse abagabo kandi ntabo, bigatuma bumva ubuzima bwabo budafite agaciro cyangwa budafatwa uko buri.
Ni ubushakashatsi bwakozwe na Kaminuza ya Missouri yo muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe z’Amerika, aho bwagaragaje ko kandi abakobwa barengeje imyaka 35 bakunze kugaragaza kunyurwa n’ubuzima bwabo bwo kuba batarashatse, bakagira ibimenyetso bike by’uko batanyuzwe ugereranyije n’abakiri bato. Ibi bishushanya urugendo rwo kwiyakira no kwishimira ubuzima uko buri, urugendo rukura uko imyaka igenda yiyongera.
UMUSHIHA UTURUKA HEHE? Mu mwaka wa 2009, 40% by’abantu bakuze bari ingaragu nk’uko byatangajwe na U.S. Census Bureau. Larry Ganong, umwe mu bayobora Ishami ry’Ubushakashatsi ku Iterambere ry’Umuntu n’Imibereho y’Umuryango muri Koleji y’Ubumenyi bw’Imibereho y’Abantu, yaravuze ati “Twabonye ko ibidukikije by’imibereho ‘abakobwa bakuze batigeze bashaka babayemo birangwa n’igitutu kibahatira kugendera mu nzira y’ubuzima isanzwe yemewe na rubanda.’
1. Kumenya impinduka z’ukuri uko bagenda bakura — urugero nko kubona ko umubare w’abasore bashobora kugirana nabo umubano uhamye ugenda ugabanuka, ndetse n’ibyago byo gutwita bikiyongera uko imyaka igenda yicuma. Izi ni impinduka zitavugwa kenshi ariko zigaragara cyane mu buzima bw’abakobwa bakuze ariko batarashaka, aho batangira kubona ko isi barimo itakiri iy’ibyiringiro byari bifite umwanya, ahubwo iba iy’ukuri kutaryarya kw’ibishoboka n’ibitakibasha kugerwaho na bo.
2.Ibibutsa ko bari mu rugendo rutandukanye n’urw’abandi bagore benshi — cyane iyo babajijwe impamvu batarashaka cyangwa igihe bitabiriye ibirori n’iminsi mikuru, nk’ubukwe n’ibindi bikorwa by’imiryango cyangwa inshuti. Muri ibyo bihe, amagambo atavuzwe neza, ibibazo bitagira impuhwe, ndetse n’imyitwarire isa n’iy’uko hari ikibura, bibatera kumva ko ubuzima bwabo butajyanye n’icyo sosiyete yita “inzira isanzwe.” Buri gasetsa kerekana impungenge, buri “uzagerwaho nawe” kaba ari isoni zihishwe mu mvugo, buri ndabo zijugunywa mu kirere bikababera urwibutso rw’uko barenze imyaka yo kwitwa ko “bakwiriye gushaka.”
3. Kumva batizewe kandi batakibona umwanya wabo mu miryango bakomokamo, cyane iyo ababyeyi n’abavandimwe batangira gutera urwenya cyangwa kuvuga amagambo atesha agaciro ku kuba batarashaka. Amagambo nk’ayo—nubwo rimwe na rimwe avugwa mu rwenya cyangwa asa n’aho atagamije kubabaza—ashobora kurenga umutima w’umuntu, akamusigira icyuho cyo kumva ko atari “uwujuje ibisabwa,” ko atakiri mu murongo umuryango wamuteganyirije. Baba bicaye ku meza imwe, ariko umutima wabo uri kure—wimuwe, wibaza niba koko aho ari ari ho hakwiye. Igihe abantu wizeye bakwibutsa ko hari ikibura, ntabwo ari wowe uba uhindutse, ahubwo ni isi ikwereka ko aho wari wubakiye umutekano, hashobora kuba hatagukwiye ukundi.
Mu mico imwe n’imwe, hari inyandiko zitajya zikunda kuvugwa ziganisha ku gitekerezo kivuga ko ‘Agaciro k’umugore gashingira ku kuba yarashatse umugabo’. Abahanga mu bijyanye n’imibanire bagaragaza impinduka ikomeye mu mitekerereze y’abagore ku bijyanye no gushaka abagabo, aho bibanda cyane ku kwirengera no gukura ku giti cyabo kurusha kugendera ku mibanire ya kera ishingiye ku buryo gakondo. Ubu, abagore benshi babona kubaho nta mugabo nk’ikintu gitanga imbaraga—aho bishimira ubwigenge bwabo n’uburambe bwuzuye bwo kubaho ubuzima bufite ireme.
Abakobwa benshi barengeje imyaka 35 batarashaka abagabo ntabwo bari barabitekereje ko bizababaho. Bari bafite umugambi: kurangiza amashuri bakagira impamyabumenyi , kubona akazi bagakorera amafaranga, kwigengano kwiyitaho mbere y’imyaka 30, cyangwa byibura 32. Ariko, nk’uko bisanzwe, kamere y’ubuzima ikomeza guseka ibitekerezo byabo by’uko bashobora kugena uburyo ubuzima bwabo buzagenda.
Uko imyaka igenda yicuma, niko bagenda batera indobo abasore baje kubatereta, bagashimishwa no kujya mu birori no kwinezeza nk’aho igihe cyahagaze, gusa nyuma yo kugera ku myaka 35, nta kigaragara bagezeho uretse amafaranga kuri konti, imodoka, ndetse rimwe na rimwe umwana wavutse mu mubano w’urukundo yigeze kugirana n’umusore ariko ntibarambane.
Ubu rero, baba bageze mu gihe aho batakongera kubona umusore bifuza cyangwa umeze nk’abazaga kumutereta mbere akabanga, kandi bagomba kwemera uwo ari we wese uzagira umutima mwiza wo kubasaba kubana kubera ko imyaka yabasize. Bya byifuzo byabo na bwa buzima bwabo babagamo mbere imyaka itarabajyana, biba byaragiye, icyo basigaranye ari igisebo nk’izina ryiyongera ku yo bafite.
Hari abakobwa benshi bari mu myaka ya za 20′ bigiramo ibitekerezo byaba ‘Feministe’ bavuga ko ngo barwanira uburenganzira bw’abagore, aho bizera ko abagabo ndetse no gushaka ari imbogamizi ibangamira ubuzima bwabo n’iterambere ryabo. Icyo feminism idafata irenza ingohe ni uko, uko umugore ageze mu myaka myinshi, niko amahirwe yo gushaka umugabo wifuzwa arushaho kugabanuka. Ni ukuri kw’ubuzima.
Ni abagabo bake bashobora gushaka umugore ufite imyaka 35, ufite bene ibyo bitekerezo bya ‘feminism’ Ku rundi ruhande, hari abakobwa benshi b’akiri bato, beza kandi bateye amabengeza, biteguye kwinjira mu bukwe aho bazajya bagira uruhare rw’inyuma, igihe umugabo azabaha ibyo bakeneye.
DUKUZIMANA IGNACE / IMIRASIRETV COM
