Dukuzimana Ignace Waba warahoze mu rukundo cyangwa se iyi ari inshuro ya mbere uri mu rukundo muri iki gihe turimo, mu rukundo rwanyu mukeneye ibi bintu bitanu byonyine ngo rube rwuzuye kandi ruhagaze neza 100%.
1 KWISANZURANAHO MU KUGANIRA BIHORAHO
Kimwe mu bintu biranga urukundo rumeze neza kandi ruhagaze neza, ni ukuganira n’uwo mukundana birimo ubwisanzure kandi bihoraho. Ibi ngibi bifasha abakundana cyangwa se abari mu rukundo kubwirana uko bamerewe, uko bari kwiyumva na buri gihe (situation) barimo muri ako kanya. Mu rukundo iyo bigoye kubwirana uko bari kwiyumva umwe ku wundi, bivuze ko hari icyizere kinini kandi cyinshi bakeneye kubaka hagati yabo kugira ngo bagere kuri urwo rwego.
Kwihagararaho no kudatinyuka kubwira umuntu uko uri kwiyumva cyangwa se kumuha igitekerezo cyawe, biba bivuze ko ufite ubwoba bw’ibyo aragusubiza cyangwa se uko arakira ibyo umubwiye cyangwa se akagucira urubanza mu buryo utishimiye, bigaragaza ubwoba. Kuganira gake no gutinyana, cyane cyane mu rukundo rushya (abagikundana bwa mbere) bivuze ko umuntu aba akiri kwiga uko azajya aganira na mugenzi we.
Uko wamenya ibintu umukunzi wawe atishimira kuri wowe ariko akaba atabikubwira
Icyakora, kumvikana cyane cyangwa se kuganira cyane bishobora kugirwaho ingaruka n’uko usanga umwe mubari mu rukundo ashaka ko ariwe uzajya ugira uruhare mu bitekerezo cyangwa se gushyira mu bikorwa ku wundi bakundana. Muri iki gihe, iyo muganira mbese mwisanzuranyeho, biba byiza iyo ushyizeho imbibe, uwo mukundana ukamubwiza ukuri k’uko ushaka gukora ibintu byawe akabigenderaho, cyangwa se buri wese agashyigikira imyanzuro y’uwo bakundana batabangamirana.
2 KUMVA NO KUMVWA (GUTEGWA AMATWI)
Kugira umuntu uri kutwumva ndetse tukumva turi kumvwa ni ingenzi kuri twe. Mu rukundo ruhagaze neza, biba ari ingenzi ku bakundana kumva ko nta kibazo iyo buri wese azanye ikibazo cye, akavuga uko abyumva n’ibyo atekereza, ubundi bagategana amatwi nk’abakunzi. Niyo ibiganiro bagiye kugirana bitaba byoroshye ariko bose bagomba kwiyumvamo ko uvuga arategwa amatwi. Iyo ibyiyumviro by’umuntu biciwe amazi cyangwa se ntibyubahwe, umubano urahababarira. Ni ingenzi kubakundana guhana umwanya cyane cyane mu gihe cyo kuganira.
3 GUSHYIRA HAMWE MU GIHE MUFITE IBYO MUTARI KUMVIKANAHO
Kutumvikana no kutemeranya ndetse no guca ukubiri kubera ibyo mutari kumvikanaho mu rukundo ibyo ni ibintu bisanzwe. Kuko birasanzwe kutumva ibintu kimwe, kutizera kimwe ndetse no kugira imico imwe. Rimwe na rimwe no kubakundana, guca ukubiri kubera ibyo mutari kumvikanaho usanga aricyo kimenyetso kigaragaza ko hari ibintu binekeye guhindurwa kandi namwe muri uwo mubano wanyu. Akenshi abantu bakundana bakunda kwirengagiza ndetse no guca amazi ibibazo bafitanye, bakunda kugira ingaruka mbi z’ibyo batateguye zishobora no kubasenyera urukundo burundu.
Dore ibibi byo gukundana n’umusore mwiza witonda mbese ugira umutima mwiza kuri buri wese
Gushyira hamwe mukemera gufatanyiriza umugozi umwe mu gukemura ibibazo mufite ni byiza cyane kuko bituma ibibazo byanyu bikemuka neza kurusha uko mwabyirinda bikazabagiraho ingaruka mbi zirimo no kuba urukundo rwanyu rushobora gusenyuka burundu.
4 KUGANIRA KU BUSHUTI BWITE HARIMO N’IBYIYUMVIRO (MUTUAL INTIMACY)
Urukundo ruryoshye (romantic) rugomba kuba rurimo guhana umwanya ndetse no kugirana ubushuti bwihariye hagati y’abakundana ubwabo. Abakundana baba bagomba kuganira birekuye, bagakuraho imbago zose ubundi bakiyegerezanya kugira ngo baganire ku byiyumviro byabo. Muri ibi harimo kuganira ku mibonano mpuzabitsina (sex), kuvuga ibyo ukunda nibyo wanga, ibyo wagakwiye gukorerwa n’ibyo utagomba gukorerwa. Mu rukundo iyo umwe afite ipfunwe ryo kuvuga uko yiyumva cyangwa se ibyo ashaka kubera ko afite ubwoba n’ipfunwe ry’uko uwo ari kubwira arabyakira, bituma ubushuti bwabo bushakira aho kuryoha, kandi burya ahatari ubushuti nta rukundo ruba ruhari.
5 ICYIZERE
Ni byiza gucunga umubano hagati yanyu ariko inyuma y’urukundo, kugira ngo no mubuzima busanzwe mujye mubasha gufashanya, Atari bya bindi byo kuba wafasha umuntu kubera ko muri mu rukundo gusa. Mu rukundo buri wese aba agomba kwizera mugenzi we. Kwizera ni cya gihe wizera ko umuntu ibyo avuze azabikora utiriwe uri kumwe na we. Uretse n’ibyo, icyizere gitanga umwanya wo kumva ko umuntu wahora uri kumwe na we mu buzima busanzwe kubera ko ari umwizerwa. Urukundo iteka rurasenyuka iyo umwe mubakundana bagirirana amashyari, umwe yumva afite ishyari kumva ko undi ari kuvugana n’abandi cyangwa se ari kumwe n’abandi, uwo ukaba umumaro nyawo w’icyizere.
Dore ibibazo wabaza umukunzi wawe ubwe akakwibwirira ko yaguciye inyuma
Umukunzi wawe niba akora ibi bintu nta kabuza aguca inyuma
Ngizi impamvu umukobwa atajya akwandikira mbere ariko wamwandikira agahita agusubiza
Dukuzimana Ignace 